Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
