so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
