why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
