so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize