Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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