Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
