Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
