I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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