I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Randomize
