There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
