he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize