She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
