is your mom at the bar?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
