I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
