my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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