This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
