whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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