I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
