The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
