I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
