As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
