Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
