She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
