Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
