For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
