my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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