He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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