Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
