Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
