overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
