drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
