Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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