We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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