South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
