Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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