I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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