Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
