Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
