is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
