So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
