She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
