remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
