I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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