Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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