College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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