trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
