My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
