I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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