I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
