So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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