You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize