i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
