So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
