i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
