Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
