I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
