left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
