I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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