Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
