i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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