piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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