Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
