$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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