why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
