saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
