I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
