who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
