Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
