He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
