Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I did not marry a roomba.
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