do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
