The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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